Finding Fulfillment as a Child Psychiatrist
It was late 1997 when I nervously approached the glass-enclosed conference room on the Morgan Stanley fixed income trading floor at 1585 Broadway in New York City.
I was 28 and a VP in the Global High Yield Department. It was bonus season and our bosses, the Department’s two Managing Directors, were calling us in one-by-one to give us our “number”.
If your number was zero, it meant you weren’t getting a bonus and it was time to look for another job.
I wasn’t a great bond trader. I didn’t lose us money, but I never made us very much money either. “You’re good for morale,” said one of them as he told me what to expect when bonuses were paid out in January. The number wasn’t zero.
In fact, it was probably too much to pay me to stick around because I was good for morale. I was the class clown there and loved to make people laugh.
Most of my colleagues were brilliant and loved the markets. I thought I was smart, but I knew I didn’t have the same passion for trading bonds as they did.
I also didn’t find a role model on Wall Street. Someone I could look up to and consider a professional or personal mentor. I hadn’t met anyone there I wanted to be like when I grew up.
That person turned out to be Dr. Richard Narkewicz, my childhood pediatrician from Vermont.
In 1998, I drove north to meet with him several times to talk about my life and his experience as a doctor. He was close to official retirement, but he remained as excited about medicine as ever and had even started doing some volunteer work.
I tried picturing two versions of myself at age 70. One was me as a retired bond trader who had spent decades staring at price charts to chase the next big trade. The other was me as a semi-retired physician who had spent decades caring for people.
Being a doctor sounded a lot more fulfilling to me. And, I could still make people laugh.
There is nothing wrong with being a bond trader and I certainly admired those who had a gift for navigating the markets with ease.
It just wasn’t for me. I’m glad I eventually found my calling as a child psychiatrist serving patients in rural America. It’s a long way from 1585 Broadway.
